Time and Satisfaction
One of my favorite moments in classic literature is from Catch-22. The protagonist stares at the ceiling, doing nothing, in an effort to make time slow down:
"Dunbar was lying motionless on his back again with his eyes staring up at the ceiling like a doll’s. He was working hard at increasing his life span. He did it by cultivating boredom. Dunbar was working so hard at increasing his life span that Yossarian thought he was dead.”
There is a constant tension between my idea of accomplishment and the prolongation of freedom. It's how fulfilled I feel drinking coffee in bed at 9:00 am, and looking out of the window. It is also the excitement that I feel when overcoming a hurdle. The constant dance between giving myself freedom, and creating enough boundaries for that freedom to have meaning.
This is why I feel compelled to write. There is nothing better than listening to ambient music in the middle of the night and writing. Thoughts flow through me and onto the paper; I savor the process.
When I write, I feel like everything in the world is within my grasp
So deeply myself that it is almost painful
Interpreting the inner and outer me
In a world filled with superficial noise this feels heavy.