People I Used to Know
Some relationships are haunting, like perfume in a scarf. You can't quite remember when the fabric absorbed the scent, but it has soaked in-reminding you of a memory that you have forgotten. I imagine this feeling is true of almost any semi-remarkable relationship that happens during a period of growth or transition.
Those relationships that I had with people and places, remind me of an "older" and imagined version of myself, who had (s) unlimited possibilities...before much of life was decided. At a time when the air was fresh with opportunities, and my skin was softer.
I fantasize about the person who I want myself to remember. I suppose I'm describing the dance between:
But only one of these will win.
Because decisions have been made
And I am me
Who, perhaps I always was
And in that time of "possibilities," there were many opportunities because nothing much had been accomplished yet.
It's better to have accomplished something and to be someone, than to have a world so wide open that no edges exist.
“...I try to imagine different futures for myself, what I would most like to occur. I don't know why I do this, when any of the things I've hoped for-whenever I have actually got them-are nothing like what I imagined they'd be. Then why don't I spend time acclimating myself to what actually occurred? Why not make peace with the way things are, given what I know about life from actually living?...”
―Sheila Heti, Motherhood